at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
