ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize