Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
