You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
