Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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