I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
