its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
