brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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