She's like a pop up book from hell.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
