im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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