hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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