Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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