she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
