dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
