Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
