im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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