She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
