i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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