I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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