why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
