I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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