We're like a lot better than the average bears
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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