My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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