saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
