FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
