about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
