I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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