I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
