It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the room spins SO much faster in panama
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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