I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
