The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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