i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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