Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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