I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
