I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize