I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just pee around me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Randomize
