Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
