So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
