Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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