Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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