Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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