i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How naked do you want me to be?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize