Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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