Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
birth control should be required to get into college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
