I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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