Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
