Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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