I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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