Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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