no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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