Betty ford says i'm here all night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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