I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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