Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize