i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
