Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
