Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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