take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
