pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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