hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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