also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
