So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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