dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
