a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
