Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize