If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
